love it.

i want one. and by that i mean, i want to be smart enough to know how to make one.

tonight, i think it's funny...

that lady gaga always carries around a tea cup.

why not. tea tastes good.

What happens when you're not patient.

Recently, I've gotten into quite a few conversations with other Christian women who are tired of waiting. I've listened to stories through tears, read emails pregnant with sexual struggles and tiring patience, as well as meditated on my own singleness and strife. I've wanted to write about this issue among women for quite some time now but didn't feel like I had the wisdom or words to help anyone. And then, this morning, I woke up to my roommate reading 1 Corinthians 3. In verse 18 it states, "Let no man deceive himself. If any man among you thinks he is wise in this age, he must become foolish, so that he may become wise."

So i'll pretty much never be wise, but can offer you my foolishness. I hope it helps.

To believe that you're alone and that no one is struggling like you at any given moment is not only a most uneducated belief but also a self-deprication. It is one of the biggest ruses we could ever fall captive to. I have to catch my thinking and crawl out of this web almost daily. This mentality, I believe, directly correlates with intimate relationships and women.

But Dieu merci, the remedy to this disposition, is not its extinction, but it's awareness.

What i'm not going to do is defer you to some sermon or tell you to say a prayer and God will make living in patience easy for you (though I don't doubt God could do such a thing through prayer). But what I feel comfortable in sharing is that being aware of a weakness in your life depletes its power quite a bit. Whenever I hear a story from another woman and I see them looking to me for an answer, I notice that maybe God operates like that in their life. As if He were a slot machine and you only needed the right amount of coins. Or if you knew just a little bit more about Christianity or how this whole system of beliefs works, BOOM, like clockwork you'd have patience every morning like the arrival of my best friend's BMs. And again, I sit and stare at 1 Corinthians 3: 18.

The answer is found not in more knowledge or the perfect prayer. It's found in its understanding and recognition. Next time you find yourself feeling alone and falsely believing things about yourself or more importantly about God, take a minute and bring yourself to a deeper reality. A reality that tells us we are never alone (Hebrews 13:5), that tells us we have a hope and future (Jeremiah 29:11), a Reality that is found only in Christ (Colossians 2:17).

the difference between Potential and your Calling(s).

i've come to the conclusion that i'm allowed to be brutally honest on here to the point where i shouldn't be embarrassed nor ashamed. because if i'm going to go through something that painfully educates me, it'd be a shame to keep from you what it has taught me.

so here it goes.

the way America's Best Dance Crew happened for me was devastating. being the first crew to be eliminated in front of millions of people was embarrassing and birthed an enormous deficit in my confidence.

there. i said it.

to be honest, (and my crew knows this) i didn't want to audition for the show. we had decided to audition merely days prior to the audition date and i hate throwing things together last minute. feeling rushed. but they convinced me into auditioning and alas, they were right, we pulled it off and made it onto Season 5.

"When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it." (Gen. 3:6)

that was the beginning of when i started living for my potential and not for my calling.

i'm not saying that ABDC was a horrible experience or that i am not extremely thankful for it! it was indeed quite the opposite. i do believe that God meets us where we are. that he listens to us and cares about the desires we have. that plays a big part in the love he has in giving us the ability to make our own decisions. but i also believe that just because i'm good at something, i.e. that i have the potential to do it and perhaps do it well, doesn't mean that i should or that it's the right decision.

ABDC is good. it's desirable. there are many things in life you will see and i'm sure have seen, that are pleasing to the eye, but that doesn't mean it's for you. and if you start making decisions based off of these qualities i've put in italics, you could very possibly find yourself sitting at the end of your bed one day wondering where God is in the decisions you've made.

ever since the show ended, i've been dancing for the wrong reasons. i've been dancing for other people. not for God's purposes. and please don't think i'm being an over-religious douche cock when i say that. what i mean is that i found myself at the airport trying to catch the red-eye for a Janet audition in NYC and didn't even want to go. Janet's great. she's famous and knows how to write songs about sex, but i didn't grow up revering her. i loved No Doubt, Garbage, Tom Petty. so since when did this whole switch happen? when did i get to a point in my talent to where Janet has to mean something to me and be the epitome of who a dancer wants to back-up?

something was radically wrong.

by chance, standby happened to bump me so many times that i wouldn't make it to NY in time for the audition, so came home. to write this.

what i'm saying is that what inspires people the most is when you know who you are and share it without shame and with joy. and it is my belief, that the more i spend time with God, the more i figure things out like that.

there is a freedom in not living for other people's expectations, nor your own. i fail people all the time and i fail myself. i'm sure if i ever meet you one day, i'll fail you. but i also know that if i find myself thinking that i've failed God, i'm wrong. we can never fail him. we can ignore him, we can sin against him, we can disappoint him. but we can never fail him. to fail God would go against the very essence of what Christianity is all about. that, my friend, is the Good News.

love. ?.

i think, in our lives, we think about ourselves too much.

and it's wrong.

i'm not saying that adamantly, i'm saying it with sorrow.

it doesn't matter if you're an real estate appraiser, a musician, a sales rep, a nanny, a student, an actor, a designer. we all get selfish and lose sight of how to live.

i know, for me, i'm constantly thinking about myself. about my life and it's direction. how i can soar with my career and prove to america that i'm good. that i'm worth watching. that i matter.

but i will tell you the deepest knowledge of myself that i have.

it'll never be enough. i'll never be satisfied.

people matter. you should tell them and show them. or you can go on flying until you're yesterday's news. we all have the same ending. make your flying matter.

Give Us Names

Recently, a group of kickass men after God's own heart moved into a big old house around the corner from me in Atlanta. My house is known for it's deck parties (who doesn't like Christmas lights, wine, a chiminea, and great friends...ok and great beer if Trip shows up). We threw one, they arrived, and so the friendships began.

Well after many more of these oh so festive soirées, i was enlightened to the reason why all of the guys had moved to the A.

I've never been involved with a charity longer than a few months. It's the truth and i'm not proud of it. I've changed cities and churches quite a lot between the ages of 20 and 27, so it's led me to a skating life that can't put it's root into one good work. One good charity.

After meeting these young men, that's when everything changed.

They began Give Us Names. It's a non-profit organization seeking to improve the lives of Colombians affected by the complicated conflicts that have plagued their country for decades. Their objective is to release a film that brings both awareness and action in helping the war-torn nation of Columbia rebuild.

If you don't know much about Columbia other than 90% of the world's cocaine comes from there, here are a few stats:

· Columbia has the 2nd highest number of internally displaced people.

· Columbia has the highest number of children serving in armed combat.

· Columbia is home to one of the longest running conflicts in the world.

So here I have a handful of guys offering up the opportunity to finally get involved in a charity.

First, say hello:

· caleb ·

· ryan ·

· michael ·

· nance ·

· dan ·

· zack ·

· owen ·

Secondly, get involved:

1) Simply promote their website. Paste www.giveusnames.com on your Facebook, Twitter, Blogspot, whatever. This allows all your family and friends the opportunity to check out their charity.

2) Donate. On their site you'll see a tab that says donate. It's through PayPal so is easy to use and secure.

3) Add them or follow them on Facebook and Twitter. On their site you'll also see these links.

I know i just grazed over what GiveUsNames is all about, so if you want to learn more, please check out their site and read their blog. There you'll find videos, documentaries of their trip to Columbia, more statistics, as well as the chance to get to know these guys better. I've added a permanent button on the right hand side of my blog that will link to their site once you click on it. If you have a blog or a website of sorts, i encourage you to do the same.

We can make a difference. I'll hopefully see you there.