the difference between Potential and your Calling(s).

i've come to the conclusion that i'm allowed to be brutally honest on here to the point where i shouldn't be embarrassed nor ashamed. because if i'm going to go through something that painfully educates me, it'd be a shame to keep from you what it has taught me.

so here it goes.

the way America's Best Dance Crew happened for me was devastating. being the first crew to be eliminated in front of millions of people was embarrassing and birthed an enormous deficit in my confidence.

there. i said it.

to be honest, (and my crew knows this) i didn't want to audition for the show. we had decided to audition merely days prior to the audition date and i hate throwing things together last minute. feeling rushed. but they convinced me into auditioning and alas, they were right, we pulled it off and made it onto Season 5.

"When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it." (Gen. 3:6)

that was the beginning of when i started living for my potential and not for my calling.

i'm not saying that ABDC was a horrible experience or that i am not extremely thankful for it! it was indeed quite the opposite. i do believe that God meets us where we are. that he listens to us and cares about the desires we have. that plays a big part in the love he has in giving us the ability to make our own decisions. but i also believe that just because i'm good at something, i.e. that i have the potential to do it and perhaps do it well, doesn't mean that i should or that it's the right decision.

ABDC is good. it's desirable. there are many things in life you will see and i'm sure have seen, that are pleasing to the eye, but that doesn't mean it's for you. and if you start making decisions based off of these qualities i've put in italics, you could very possibly find yourself sitting at the end of your bed one day wondering where God is in the decisions you've made.

ever since the show ended, i've been dancing for the wrong reasons. i've been dancing for other people. not for God's purposes. and please don't think i'm being an over-religious douche cock when i say that. what i mean is that i found myself at the airport trying to catch the red-eye for a Janet audition in NYC and didn't even want to go. Janet's great. she's famous and knows how to write songs about sex, but i didn't grow up revering her. i loved No Doubt, Garbage, Tom Petty. so since when did this whole switch happen? when did i get to a point in my talent to where Janet has to mean something to me and be the epitome of who a dancer wants to back-up?

something was radically wrong.

by chance, standby happened to bump me so many times that i wouldn't make it to NY in time for the audition, so came home. to write this.

what i'm saying is that what inspires people the most is when you know who you are and share it without shame and with joy. and it is my belief, that the more i spend time with God, the more i figure things out like that.

there is a freedom in not living for other people's expectations, nor your own. i fail people all the time and i fail myself. i'm sure if i ever meet you one day, i'll fail you. but i also know that if i find myself thinking that i've failed God, i'm wrong. we can never fail him. we can ignore him, we can sin against him, we can disappoint him. but we can never fail him. to fail God would go against the very essence of what Christianity is all about. that, my friend, is the Good News.

love. ?.

i think, in our lives, we think about ourselves too much.

and it's wrong.

i'm not saying that adamantly, i'm saying it with sorrow.

it doesn't matter if you're an real estate appraiser, a musician, a sales rep, a nanny, a student, an actor, a designer. we all get selfish and lose sight of how to live.

i know, for me, i'm constantly thinking about myself. about my life and it's direction. how i can soar with my career and prove to america that i'm good. that i'm worth watching. that i matter.

but i will tell you the deepest knowledge of myself that i have.

it'll never be enough. i'll never be satisfied.

people matter. you should tell them and show them. or you can go on flying until you're yesterday's news. we all have the same ending. make your flying matter.

Give Us Names

Recently, a group of kickass men after God's own heart moved into a big old house around the corner from me in Atlanta. My house is known for it's deck parties (who doesn't like Christmas lights, wine, a chiminea, and great friends...ok and great beer if Trip shows up). We threw one, they arrived, and so the friendships began.

Well after many more of these oh so festive soirées, i was enlightened to the reason why all of the guys had moved to the A.

I've never been involved with a charity longer than a few months. It's the truth and i'm not proud of it. I've changed cities and churches quite a lot between the ages of 20 and 27, so it's led me to a skating life that can't put it's root into one good work. One good charity.

After meeting these young men, that's when everything changed.

They began Give Us Names. It's a non-profit organization seeking to improve the lives of Colombians affected by the complicated conflicts that have plagued their country for decades. Their objective is to release a film that brings both awareness and action in helping the war-torn nation of Columbia rebuild.

If you don't know much about Columbia other than 90% of the world's cocaine comes from there, here are a few stats:

· Columbia has the 2nd highest number of internally displaced people.

· Columbia has the highest number of children serving in armed combat.

· Columbia is home to one of the longest running conflicts in the world.

So here I have a handful of guys offering up the opportunity to finally get involved in a charity.

First, say hello:

· caleb ·

· ryan ·

· michael ·

· nance ·

· dan ·

· zack ·

· owen ·

Secondly, get involved:

1) Simply promote their website. Paste www.giveusnames.com on your Facebook, Twitter, Blogspot, whatever. This allows all your family and friends the opportunity to check out their charity.

2) Donate. On their site you'll see a tab that says donate. It's through PayPal so is easy to use and secure.

3) Add them or follow them on Facebook and Twitter. On their site you'll also see these links.

I know i just grazed over what GiveUsNames is all about, so if you want to learn more, please check out their site and read their blog. There you'll find videos, documentaries of their trip to Columbia, more statistics, as well as the chance to get to know these guys better. I've added a permanent button on the right hand side of my blog that will link to their site once you click on it. If you have a blog or a website of sorts, i encourage you to do the same.

We can make a difference. I'll hopefully see you there.

my misunderstanding.

needs to go away.

i was sittin here tonight watchin TV and my mind drifted away to all the worries and anxieties that i've been thinking about lately. should i move to LA? where does God want me to go? praying that i'm in right standing with him...that i'm enough out of his way to hear his voice before everyone else's as well as my own. i've been pondering over my future quite often lately. this pondering has led to meditation/prayer, as well as worrying and misunderstanding.

and as i sat here tonight i was thinking about the "nets" we're called to cast down for God and follow him. i've been figurin that my net is my fear. my biggest passion is performing, i LOVE the stage, but it is also my biggest fear...caring about what people think about me. and i was thinking about God and telling him that i've casted down my fear! i'm ready to roll. i want to run with him. this thirst i have was leaving me anxious. and then something simple yet crucial hit me.

what i'm called to lay down for God isn't my fear.

my way of thinking, my life style, and circumstances have led me to see it that way, but it is untrue.

my net is my misunderstanding. we have no clue who God is. because if we knew, really knew who God is,

we wouldn't fear.

we wouldn't be anxious.

we would trust.

and that's one hell of a slap. because it's not easy, and it's not kind all the time. there are a lot of things God wants us to lay down that we don't want to. but oh the joy that he gives us. the adventure, the freedom. to be who we were created to be and do what we were created to do. when i look at something arresting, like a sunset over mountains and know that God cares more about us than such a site, it is not unkind. it is his perfect love. it is the reason for living. to enjoy what he has given us and run with him.

Christian spirituality

I once read that the golden rule for understanding spiritually is not intellect, but obedience. If a man wants scientific knowledge, intellectual curiosity is his guide, but if he wants insight into what Jesus Christ teaches, he can only get it by obedience.

I also believe that no man ever receives a word from God without instantly being put to the test over it.

Walking a Christian life is hard. And it's not a game. There are thousands of times when I can choose to say eff it and do whatever I feel like doing or I can choose to care more about what God wants in my life. It's a daily fight guys. Paul talks about this contrasting strife in our nature in Romans 7:19-20 "I do not do the good thing I want to do, but I do the wrong thing that I do not want to do. If I do the thing I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but the wrong thing in me that does it."

Let's not act like we always want to do the right thing. Let's be more honest than that. But let us lead and change the atmosphere. And don't be weird or self-righteous either. I get so sick and tired of that crap. Christians shoving religion and their judgments on other people who don't believe the same thing. You can change a scene without words dear friends. 2 Corinthians 2:15 says we are called to be the aroma of Christ. Have you ever thought about what that means? In your life? Think about it. I know i've got plenty to change in mine.